hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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