drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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