Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize