i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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