i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize