from now on my penis is your penis
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize