guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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