some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
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I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
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