ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize