hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize