please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We got so high we made milksteak
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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