my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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