The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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