just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
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It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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