I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
how does that bad decision feel?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize