Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dick very happy bro
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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