whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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