I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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