took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
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If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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