I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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