Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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