wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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