Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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