sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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