dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize