Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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