Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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