Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
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Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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