just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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