WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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