if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I enjoy the company of your penis
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