Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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