you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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