A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize