shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
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Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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