my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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