Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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