Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
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That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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