Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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