he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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