So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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