I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize