I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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