We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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