How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize