i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
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I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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