I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize