And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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