We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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