Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize